Don’t apologize to me.

Due to accidental blasting, Yu Yuming and Selina, two stars, “I have a date with Spring” director Chen Mingzhang apologized to the two on Weibo on the 15th. As soon as this article came out, the voice of the netizen who had been boiling for a long time asked for an apology faded away, and the criticism of Chen Mingzhang’s apology began to boil against the sky. For a moment, “apology” has become the hot word of the Internet.

Speaking of an apology, what did you think of first?

The geeks who love the Our Website may not like the idol drama “Meteor Garden”, but in daily life, you may quote a classic line from the inside more than once, yes! That is the sentence of Daoming Temple: “If the apology is useful, then what should the police do?” So, is there any use for an apology?

“apology” experiment

Coincidentally, David De Cremer, Madan M. Pillutla and Chris Reinders Folmer, three professors from Erasmus University and London Business School, published a recent issue of Psychological Science. The article on “Apologizing” research has become the “backstage” of Daoming Temple. (The article should be rigorous! It is not excluded that three scientists have seen the possibility of re-study in “Meteor Garden”!).

The article points out that if others do something that we are sorry for, we will all hope that the other party can apologize, but for now, people are always unreliable in predicting how much value an “apology” has – we always tend to be high Estimate the effect and importance of apology in reality. For example: Roommates have changed the speed of your browsing of Our Website. You have recited a few words to condemn it. I thought that my roommate would apologize to you. This has passed. Who hasn’t got a “love action movie” yet? Time, but when the roommate said sorry, I’m sorry, Shen Hao, while continuing to let Thunder madly suck blood without guilt, the ignorance of your heart seems to have not weakened at all… The apology is better than nothing.

To prove how people think about “apologies,” De Cremer and his colleagues did the following experiment: They let the participants in the lab sit in front of the computer and have 10 euros as “start-up funds” from the researchers. You can choose to keep the 10 euros yourself, or “invest” the money to the partner who communicates with them through the computer. The rules of the game are that the participants’ money will be tripled, and then their partner can decide how much to pay. Return.

Most of the participants chose to invest all of their 10 euros in their partner, so the partners almost all had a return of 30 euros, and then it was time for the partner to decide how much to return to the participants. Perhaps you are still immersed in thinking about how to maximize your benefits, but this is not a dead rationality. The real key steps are just beginning: it is clear that these partners are the “trusters” that researchers have come up with. Cruelly only took out 5 euros for the participants in return, you can imagine how irritating this is! Then, some participants will get a sincere apology from the partner because of this capitalist “exploitation”, while the other participants can only be imagined by the researchers to imagine that the partners have already apologized to themselves. At the end of the experiment, the researchers will ask participants to assess how effective the “apology” is.

It turned out that the group that imagined an apology was significantly higher in assessing the value of the “apology” than the group actually apologizing. This may be because there is no more imaginative space for the group that has not really apologized. Anyway, the amazing result is that the group of “cakes filled with hunger” is worthy of “cake” – the value of apology is much higher than the real apology. That group of participants.

De Cremer also pointed out that people always imagine that an apology can make both sides feel good, but in fact it is not. In other words, “apology” will make others believe that the wrong party feels worse than the others. I believe that the feeling of being wronged will be better. And an apology is only the first step in the reconciliation process. You must show that you will make other improvements to really promote the reconciliation process.

Misunderstanding about apology

People in their daily lives always tend to overestimate the effectiveness of an apology and the influence they receive after accepting an apology. They think that “apology” is an “invulnerable” kit card that Zhang can do nothing, but after hitting it, it is found that it can’t resist reality. Cruel “killing”, the apology in life is not as effective as we thought, especially in the eyes of the crowd, they even think that an apology is just to make people who are erring feel embarrassed and will not make the victim comfortable. How many. So, don’t think that you are willing to pull down your face and apologize to get forgiveness from others, not to feel that you are generous enough to be able to release your suspicions as long as others apologize, and the apology is not so big!

Of course, an apology is not as important as we think, and does not mean that an apology is nothing. Although an apology is only a small step in the retreat of the erring, it is also a big step in the process of reconciliation. As long as the errant can show improvement, it can greatly promote the other party’s forgiveness. Therefore, unfortunately, the mantra of Daoming Temple is not completely correct. The “apology” is not as powerful as it is, but it is the process of reconciliation…

An apology about Chen Mingzhang

Before the 15th, countless fans and netizens strongly demanded Chen Mingzhang’s official apology, thinking that the “sorry” he said would delay the dissatisfaction of the masses, but he could apologize when Chen’s “everything came out”. Later, people discovered that the apology did not calm them even a little bit of anger. The accusation of director Chen Mingzhang was more and more: I asked you to apologize so late! Ask you to apologize when you favor selina! Call you a director! Call you not to wear a hat!

“Apologize” is not as powerful as we thought, so when fans experience this gap in expectations, it will be inevitable that Chen will experience this wave of public anger. In order for the masses to truly forgive you, Mr. Chen, you have to take some practical action.


David De Cremer, Madan M. Pillutla & Chris Reinders Folmer (2010). How Important Is an Apology to You? Forecasting Errors in Evaluating the Value of Apologies .Psychological Science, January 2011 vol. 22 no. 1,45-48.

Apologies Aren’t as Good as People Imagine They’ll Be

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